I remember we were alerted during the Friday night dinner. Fifteen minutes had passed since a “gift” was placed on the road, I don't know what [it was], they usually really did leave gifts by the way – not explosives – just stuff to see how we would react. Once they were seen [doing it]. Friday night, you're walking unprotected in the backyards, if there was someone with a gun there he would have nailed us long ago. You start entering houses arbitrarily and there's nothing you can say.

You were looking for the guy? Yes.

Did you know what he looked like? No.

So what were you looking for? I don't know. I remember that back then I suppressed it as an anthropological journey, we'll see the homes from within. It was a Friday night, it's their day off too, all the families are at home. Everyone's watching TV with their satellite. You show up in the middle of their lives, out of nowhere, enter their house and see their bedroom.

You didn't mind it being an intrusion of privacy? I minded more going home for the weekend. To do my work and get back to the routine. It drove some of our guys crazy. For example, there was this 'gung ho' [soldier] who was always at home when something happened, so once during [a mission of] demonstrating our presence he entered a grocery store. I don't know what the story was, but he went nuts, he overturned a shelf and spit in the face of the old shopkeeper. That was a week or two before his discharge leave. He was so pissed off.

How did the old man react? He was silent. It was a chilling moment and I remember standing there and for half a minute you don't know what to do. You know that the [Palestinian] person isn't related, you're in his shop and someone simply freaks out from stress, fearing the end of his service or whatever it was. He wasn't even speaking coherently, but rather screaming, he overturned the shelf and spit in the [old man’s] face. And I remember that after that I went to the company commander and told him, and said that the guy shouldn't go on any security patrol jeeps, his leave should be extended. And this person, after he flipped out, did two more weeks, until the end, of security patrol jeeps.

The company commander didn't listen. No.

What did the company commander say? "I'll talk to him."

Do you know about other freak outs? No, he was a good soldier, that's the thing. That was when I understood that after the army it would hit me – everything you absorb in the territories.

When did you understand it? At the spitting incident. I understood that it eats at your soul and that these are things that shouldn't happen, that an 18-year-old shouldn't be at a checkpoint. And the fact that they didn't do anything to him… If it would have happened at a checkpoint and people would have seen – he would have been punished. It was simply a case that could be closed nicely, for a person who served well and would be discharged in two weeks. They could just as well have decided not to. And he could’ve gone to jail and it would be justified and I would’ve testified against him.

So what do you think happened to him? You're in an insane situation and at some point it will get to you. Like people who flip out [while traveling] in India. It's not the drugs, it's being alone with your thoughts. I found myself after the army sitting and thinking. Also during the service you think, but you can't think clearly. And you understand that these things sit with you, and what we're doing here, for example, is to unload, to release a bit. The madness that happens around you… Why am I saying that everything’s unclear and unstable? Because it's all a crazy situation and it penetrates you bit by bit. It drives you nuts.

How long will it take me to go nuts at a checkpoint? It depends. Do you have a girlfriend?

Yes. Does she cry to you on the phone?

She’ll cry. And is it hot that day or cold that day? Unpleasant weather? There's a better chance of you going nuts.

How long does it take for someone to go nuts? Two months, a year? It depends. There's a spectrum. Younger soldiers do base security guard duty and those who’ve served longer get better posts, and those in the middle do checkpoints. If you're in the middle doing checkpoints regularly – you go nuts. I know guys who requested to do guard duty instead of checkpoints. You go crazy. Say, for a week you think, you analyze your life, you write letters. Within a week you've exhausted what you have inside to entertain yourself in states of boredom. A week later you do your job grumpily, and the third week you'll go nuts, and that's in a normal state. Even if the food is good, which is also important, if you're horny, tired, hungry or cold – you'll go crazy much quicker. And if your status in the company isn't great – then you'll really take it out at the checkpoint. If you're getting it from one side, [then] you'll take it out on the other. For example, if the company sergeant major gives us the run-around because we're newbies – you take it out. As a checkpoint newbie, you take it all out.